John 8:34-36 Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
Our church sings a song called “Who You Say I Am” from Hillsong Worship. From the first moment I heard the song, I was in Straight-Up-Ugly-Cry Mode. The lyrics say “Who the Son sets free, oh is free indeed, I’m a child of God, yes I am.” Yes indeedy, I’m a child of God, amen! Every time I sing that, my heart just soars at the thought! But then it goes on to say “In my Father’s house, there’s a place for me, I’m a child of God, yes I am.” And then I lose it. That line breaks me every time. Because if I’m being totally honest with myself….that line can’t apply to me.
I’ve had a real struggle lately with feeling unworthy. I feel like I let God down on a daily basis, whether it’s in my work life, home life, church life, prayer life, thought life, social life, family life...it seems to me like I can’t get through a day without totally sabotaging God’s will for me. I have good intentions, but that mouth! Or, my heart may start in the right place, but oh how easily it takes a detour south with little or no provocation. I go from fixing my eyes on Jesus to FIXING TO BLOW in a matter of seconds!
It never fails, I end the day cataloging all my failures and screw-ups to God, apologizing for letting Him down again. I beat myself up constantly about my inability to measure up, and sometimes I wonder how He’s not fed up with me yet.
And then we sing that song. “In my Father’s house, there’s a place for me...” I have tears even as I write this. My Heavenly Father loves me so much, He’s actually saving a place for me! Me, the girl who can’t quit yelling at her kids, the girl who gets annoyed at people for no reason, the girl who is selfish, resentful, jealous...the list goes on. Because my finite, human brain has trouble truly understanding the magnitude of forgiveness that Jesus brought down, I just can’t comprehend God’s infinite love and mercy for me. If I can’t forgive myself, how in the world does God forgive me? I can’t grasp that He cherishes me so much that He keeps a special place just for me, nestled between Him and Jesus, and there is nothing I can do that will take that away. Not. One. Thing.
It’s true, you know. Who the Son sets free is free indeed. And because I am a cherished child of the King--ME, the girl who messes up on a daily basis--I am no longer a slave to sin. There’s no need to feel like I’m not worthy of my own room in my Father’s house, with the comfy pillows and fuzzy blankets and iced coffee machine (it is heaven, after all). My heavenly Father says I’m worth it, and my savior Jesus paid for it, so all I have to do is claim it.
I’m a child of God. Yes, I am.